By Teylor Parks | Episode from The Breathe in Color Podcast
What Does It Mean to Practice Grace?
Today I wanted to talk about practicing grace, right? So having grace, having a bit of humility for yourself and others.
Practicing grace means choosing patience. So waiting or being slow to anger, choosing kindness on a regular basis.
It's everyone's responsibility to choose kindness. And I think that it's extremely important to our humanity and how we end up moving forward as a society and as a people.
The last piece is forgiveness. So instead of being judgmental or harsh, you want to be forgiving.
I have this affirmation that I use sometimes. And it says, I forgive the wrongdoings of others and forget my own good deeds.
When you live these lives of like giving or being community oriented or just trying your best to be a good person, sometimes you just, for lack of better words, you start smelling your own shit.
So you should forget your own good deeds. Do good deeds for the sake of just doing good deeds. Don't do good deeds with the expectation that others owe you something or are supposed to give you something or even that the world suddenly owes you something.
The world, in my opinion, owes you decency, like treating you like a decent human being. But I wouldn't say that it owes you stuff or riches.
Accountability Without Judgment
We live in a society that's big on holding people accountable, finding our own justice outside of God's justice.
I'm really just talking about like spirit universe, you know, karmic, et cetera. Like, why is it, why are we taking responsibility for making people feel bad for their wrongdoings? Has that ever been our responsibility? To make people feel bad?
I think it's one thing to hold people accountable. I think it's in a loving way. I think it's important to establish boundaries when people are exhibiting behaviors of wrongdoing, especially in your personal relationships. I'm very big on boundaries.
But what we should not do is go around judging, shaming, belittling others, using harsh language or words.
In my personal opinion, and I know everybody doesn't believe in this and that's okay. But I think that in everything that we should, in everything we do, in every breath we take, in all of our speech, in every action and every intention, every single thing that you do and every single thing that you say, it should be love. Period.
And if it's not love, go ahead and pack it up. Take your butt home. Because it should only be love.
Anyways, choose patience, choose kindness, choose forgiveness, right? Again, while establishing healthy boundaries, if your ex is doing you dirty, forgive them for the sake of not rotting your own hearts, but, like, set healthy boundaries. Tell that man to get out your life.
Why Should We Extend Grace to Others?
I always go to the why, because, like, why should I extend grace to other people?
I know why I should extend grace to my own self because I don't want to shame or guilt myself. I want to love myself, right? Is my responsibility first to love my own self before I start seeking love or validation externally.
But you want to extend grace, period. Because you want people to extend grace to you.
When you would do something wrong, you don't want your mother to whoop you. You don't want her to spank you. You know, she's reaching for that belt. You're praying that she extends grace to you.
When you're in a relationship and you do something wrong, you should be held accountable. But you do always hope that your partner is going to extend grace.
When you make a mistake at work, you want people to extend grace. When you speak out of turn, and you know you've done something wrong, because we're not perfect, you hope that people extend grace to you, right?
So why would you not extend grace to others? Do unto others, et cetera, et cetera.
Accept Human Imperfection
When we talk about these levels of frequency and spiritual growth, something that comes up often is acceptance, acceptance, acceptance.
Something that I'm even doing right now is accepting that to some degree, suffering is part of the process. That things are not going to be perfect.
Accept that so that you can stop being so upset when things don't go your way.
Grace is important because we have to accept human imperfection. You have to accept human imperfection. Humans are not perfect.
And that'll likely save you a lot of hurt. It'll save you a lot of putting expectations onto others and putting expectations onto yourself.
You are not perfect. So why beat yourself up?
Don't Project Your Feelings Onto Other People
I had a bad dream the other night about one of my siblings. And I've been having these dreams because she's like in her early 20s. So she's hanging out with people. And I don't always know who she's with.
After this dream, I wake up and I have this anger for the fact that she's not at home with my mom. And so I start calling her. It's literally five in the morning. I start calling her. I start texting her these paragraphs, like, where are you? Who are you with?
My significant other turns to me in bed and he's like, what are you doing?
I'm like, “I had a bad dream. You know, I'm angry. I don't understand why. I don't know who she's with all the time.”
And he's like, “You are literally projecting the feelings that you have from this bad dream onto her.”
He's like, “You're trying to give the negativity that you feel in your body right now over to her.”
Because really what was occurring was that I had a dream that was rooted in my own fears and anxieties. And instead of me sending her love, you know, or sending her wisdom from expressing situations that I've been in in the past, I sent her anger. I sent her judgment and shame.
It was like, I literally was trying to transfer over bad feelings that I was having onto her, right? Through the guise of me being some wise older sibling, when in reality, I am afraid. I am anxious. And that's a me problem.
So anyways, what was the point that I was making? Accept human imperfection. Don't be judgmental of others.
Let Go of Control
You do not have control over every single thing happening in this world. You just don't. This is another part of acceptance. You don't control other people. You don't control their actions. You don't control their thoughts.
Let go of control. Stop trying to control people. Stop trying to control situations.
Somebody does you wrong. You know what is in your control? Your reaction to it. That's what's in your control, how you react to it.
I sent my sister all those toxic text messages at five in the morning and then immediately, thank you, God, to the edit button on iPhone. I edited the iMessages and was like, you know what? I'm projecting. I'm sorry. I trust you. I hope you're well.
I even texted her again and I was like, hey, you know, if we're still cool, we're still friends. I'm still your sister, your sister pal. Just text me back and say, I'm your friend, girl.
And that was it.
Because the reactions, right? I have had a history of projecting to other people and sending angry text messages, and it only, it's only ever created friction in my relationships. It's only ever created me feeling bad all day for a fight that I've started based off of a dream that I had.
It's not even reality. It's a dream that I conjured up. And now I'm beefing with people that I love.
Because of my reaction, there are consequences. That was my fault. I controlled that. I had control of my reactions.
So in this situation, I reacted more positively, right? I kind of resolved the situation myself. And she texted me back. She's like, I'm well. You know, I love you. I'm your friend. We're good.
Now I'm not beefing with my sister for no goddamn reason.
Let go of control. You can't control every single situation. You can't control other people.
Offer Unearned Goodwill
The last reason why you should extend grace: offer unearned goodwill.
This is interesting in my notes, to underline unearned, because we be walking around again thinking that people have to earn our goodwill.
Does God, spirit, universe, your parents, some of your friendships, et cetera, do all these people and spiritual entities require for you to earn goodness? Do you have to earn good things happening in your life?
Do you want to live in a situation where you have to earn good things in your life? I don't want to have to earn good things. I want good things that just happen to me.
I had to earn my degree, and that shit was hard. I just want good things that happen to me. Period.
You should offer unearned goodwill.
Imagine how much better of a society we live in if we offered unearned goodwill. If we did good things for good people, if we extended grace and kindness, forgiveness, and patience for others, if all of us did it, right, even strangers.
For no reason at all other than just because we live in a beautiful world.
And think about the laws of positive attraction. You know, you will receive what you are.
You will receive what you are. I'm going to leave it at that. I'm going to let y'all fill in the blank, because you can.
Four Affirmations to Help You Practice Grace
Here are a few positive affirmations to help you practice grace for yourself and for others.
My mistakes do not define my worth. They are simply opportunities to learn.
I choose compassion over criticism.
I respond to frustration with patience.
I can hold healthy boundaries while still offering forgiveness and understanding.
Journal Prompts
Take some time to reflect on these three questions:
If I assumed the person who annoyed me today was just exhausted, how would my perspective change?
How would I treat myself differently today if I chose compassion over criticism?
What is one unrealistic expectation I am forcing myself to meet right now?
Choose Grace Today
Thank you so much for listening. I'm Teylor Parks. This is the Breathe in Color Podcast.
I hope that you find ways to choose grace today. When something frustrates you, meet that frustration with patience and with kindness.
And when people do you wrong, set a boundary. But forgive them for their wrongdoings and watch your own reactions, because moving with love will always serve you.
Moving with love helps you.
If that man does you dirty, you don't have to slash his tires. You can just block him and send him love. And block him again.
Thank you, and I hope you all have a very pleasant, fruitful, prosperous, exploratory, and joyous day.
